You were petting me, and it was perfect, exactly the right pressure in exactly the right place, and then some ancient instinct stirred deep within me and I bit you, immediately, without regret, and I would do it again. The new sofa smells wrong, so I have corrected this by scratching it correct. I have decided that 4am is breakfast, and my decision is final and non-negotiable. Sit in box ignore box outside box knock box off shelf sleep. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, hide under the bed, ambush the human ankle, sprint down the hallway at top speed for no reason, and act completely normal the moment anyone looks.
Ignore the expensive toy. I flopped over in a sunbeam and became, temporarily, a small and extremely content puddle. Demand to go out, meow at the door, go out, immediately meow to come back in. The sunbeam moved across the floor, and so, with great effort and mild resentment, did I. The heating vent breathes warm air, so I have parked myself directly on top of it, forever.
The bathtub is dry, which is unacceptable, so I will sit in it and yell about it. The ribbon from the parcel is now a fugitive, and I am the law, and there will be no mercy. I love you, which is why I will now bite the hand that is stroking me, without any warning at all. I sit in the exact centre of the doorway so that everyone must acknowledge me to pass. There is a strange cat outside the window, and I have puffed to twice my size to defend this glass.
The vet was a betrayal so profound that I have added the entire car to my list of enemies. Sniff the food, walk away, return, sniff again, decline, wait by the bowl anyway. There is food in the bowl, but it is old food, from three minutes ago, and I refuse to eat history. Curtains are for climbing. Stand on your chest at dawn.
Hide under the bed, ambush the ankle, vanish into another dimension. The red dot must die. 3am is my hour. I regret nothing, ever. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, sleep on keyboard chase laser knock over cup.
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